Philosophical Reviews: A Confession (Tolstoy)

At the age of eighteen years old he doesn't believe in God, that is manifested by his repulsion to what he studied at university.

He believes that God is a fictional character and that religion is not necessary for a life based on principles. 

The premature death of his brother is a devastating thunderstorm inside his mind, he wants to find a reason for the death, his main dilemma is what is the meaning of life? He studied all subjects of the scientific world to have the key reading, no answers.

He is inclined to suicide himself being inspired by the thoughts of Solomon and Schopenhauer on the uselessness  of life.

He didn't commit it due to a weak conscience and by the invalidity of his thoughts. , the meaning of life.

He is conscious that he needs an irrational knowledge of his existential dilemma i.e. the faith.

Thanks to his faith he rejects the teachings of Solomon and Schophenauer.

The passage from rationality to irrationality is not simple, he doesn't want to sacrifice reason. He believes that the religion teaches truth and faux, his job is to classify them.

The reply to his existential dilemma is that only the faith in God to find a meaning of life that cannot be destroyed by death, in other words the main  cause is God.